Stephen Hawking Is Still Fucking Brilliant!

Have we all seen or read this, yet? C'mon, you're nerds, most of you, not exactly the great unwashed, right, though I gotta' say a lot of you could use a shower at least three times a week and when's the last time a fifth of you brushed your teeth? Anyway, that's not Roger Ebert pictured there, it is the great physicist Stephen Hawking, and once again he's made a brilliant outstanding observation that we should all act on quickly, with haste, at once, mak schnell, you get the drift, droogies, I knew you would. Now for those screen-monkeys too lazy to click on a link and read (I would wait, you know, I'm in no hurry), to sum up, Hawking says there not only is a most excellent chance for extraterrestrial life but also a good chance that there is in a universe as vast and as old as this one is to have intelligent life on par or greater than ours. And that is a problem. Evidence suggest they could be bigger bastards than us. It's bad enough we've been broadcasting bad television and radio into the void since Calvin Coolidge but we're spending good money into something like SETI, which is practically ringing the dinner bell.

Now before we get our Underoos in a twist, here are some facts. Any space faring being out there made up of any kind of muscular flesh will probably have been traveling in space for more than two years, which rules out a landing party of gun toting little green men. Physics dictates their muscles would either be atrophied or not suited to Earth gravity, making them cripples on the surface of our little EDEN, at best they'd have to be fitted with exoskeletons of strong light weight gear, maybe good for combat but not for everyday colonization and going about your business. Also. Nobody can travel faster than the galactic speed limit, so no Star Trek bullshit about warp drives or traveling through wormholes, at best you're looking at half light speed. Alien space travelers would have to be going at it for generations, exploring one star system at a time. They'd be coming from star systems trillions of light years away. But, nevertheless, why advertise our existence? If any potential space visitors had been cruising space for generations, they're probably as ruthless and wily as any of the European colonists of the sixteenth centuries.They can set up shop in our solar system, mining resources from the outer planets, see us as competitors to be dealt with and have robots do their dirty work while they wobble about in their craft like space toddlers. Wouldn't put it past these potential space goblins to see us as items on their intergalactic menu, which in that case they'd be welcome to both Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and that whole family from Precious.

So, it's settled. SETI has got to be used as a listening post for potential invaders and not as a dinner bell. Voyager has to be hunted down and destroyed before it jumps into the void between us and any potential alien contact.And we better be jumpstarting NASA as a military operation building space fortresses and laser cannon and inventing novel ways to keep space creeps out of backyard, some distracting  incentives to any passing space fleet or something that'll cloak our solar system. Yeah, I know. But we need a hobby as race. To keep us busy before annihilate ourselves with either KFC or tactical nukes.